Pipeline's Most Bitchin' Encounter


A Story By Kyla

Based on characters created by John Carpenter, Debra Hill, and Kurt Russell

Pipeline watched the pitch shape of Snake Plissken descend onto Mulholland Drive. The graying surfer waited, risking even more skin damage from the acid rain now falling. Waited, until the master outlaw's jet form was out  of sight.

"Out of Sight! Awwwooo! Snake Plissken too cool man!" he chuckled. This was almost as good as becoming one with the waves. Not only that, but Plissken spared him! Pipeline always kept his word and those words were ringing in his ears now. "Hey thanks for not killing me man, I owe you one!" The thought ran through his head constantly as he made his way back to the ruins of the Big Kulauha, an ancient surfing supply store now serving as home to his gang: The Tsunami Straddlers!

The Straddler leader was greeted by 3 of his fellow surfers. A stocky one, named Churn spoke up first. "Hey dude, did you find out who that guy was, the one with the really bitchin' black boat?"

Another named Tunnelvision asked, "Yeah, man who was that guy."

"Dudes! That was a legend, man!" their leader said with exaggerated hand gestures.

Pipeline's crew looked at him. "Not one of Cuervo's jerks huh." a punker, O'er the Edge spat.


"No way man! This guy's too bitchin' for Cuervo!"

"Get out!" Churn exclaimed.

"Lemme tell ya, it‚s so bitchin‚. Yours truly tangled with Snake Plissken!!!"

"Whooa, ol' One Eye! I thought he was dead!"

"Like THE Snake..." Churn gasped.

"Right on brothers, and no, he ain't dead man. He was slithering around very much alive. He‚s been on all the Crime channels for years. Been an outlaw even before you all came riding out of the Motherwave."

"Far out, Pipeline." Tunnelvision sighed.

"Whooa, what did ya say to him." O'er the Edge came closer, obviously in awe.

"Told him some directions, he's new to L.A. Between all of you cosmic dudes and me, he looked like he always does, like's he's hunting for something, or someone."

"Huh?" Churn said.

"You boys saw him as he crawled outta the boat, didn't you see the heat he was packing."

"Man, that thing he was carrying was a gun?!" Tunnelvision drooled, looking at his puny AK-47, and then slowly backed away from Pipeline.

"Yeah man, no shit. It was the most bitchin‚ subautomatic I've ever seen."

"He didn't kill you dude, why?"

"Sheeet Churn that's a most gnarly quessy to pass onto the Wavemaster man." the fourth Straddler Boogieboard said.

Pipeline laughed it off.

"No sweat man. I was wondering that myself. I think once ol' Snake knew that I meant him no trouble he was cool. Wasn't as tall as I thought tho."

Still stunned, Churn replied. "Really? He looks so big on the TV man!"

"Yeah, true. But lemme tell you, if I meet him again, I'm gonna teach him to ride the tsunami!"

"No offense Pipeline, but Snake Plissken surfing. Just can‚t visualize it man I think he'd kill you before he did that." Tunnelvision yawned, he wanted to get to that parade Cuervo was gonna hold out on Sunset.

"Dude I totally disagree! I think Snake would think it was the most bitchin' thing he'd ever done!"

"Oh wow! How trippy, it‚s almost time for that parade of Cuervos," Pipeline said looking at the still-functioning sun dial in the center of the room. "I want all you dudes to go see the Jones parade, get the scoop and then go tell Hershe. But don't mention PIissken, he ain't our business!"

"Right on, we'll see you later man! Catch us a great wave Pipeline."

"Awwwwooo! You betcha. See ya later dudes."

The 4 youths left their leader alone. Pipeline took his favorite board out to his jeep and scanned the sea just meters away. There were waves, but nothing to ride home about. Suddenly, a small tremblor rocked the shoreline. A great big grin plastered itself across the grizzled surfer's face.

"Bitchin', could be some killer waves here!" He watched as his jeep shook, and thought of Snake. „Hmmm, better pack another board. Wanna be prepared if I bump into the Cobra again. Show him how to slither and straddle a tsunami...aaawwwwoooo, Bitchin!!!"